Finally she stepped back into the stall and checked her panties. They were bloodless.
They kept riding and riding, all day long. Halfway through the day, Este announced that he wanted to try some of the other rides, and left her. The drizzle had soaked through Katie’s clothes, and she shivered as she rode her coaster alone.
The cramps hit her once she got home. The pain was worse than her normal menstruation. In the bathroom, she locked the door and lay on the floor, feeling the cool tile against her cheek, the water running in the shower, and a wad of tissues stuffed between her legs.
Once Jackson finished making love to Katie, she stared at the empty ceiling and imagined the whole house consuming her, a tiny piece of unwanted color in a sea of white.
They bought the house in Connecticut because Jackson said that all of the firm’s partners lived in Connecticut. The whole house was painted white, an empty canvas for them on which to paint the portrait of their lives together. But since Jackson was working, Katie would have to do all the decorating herself.
The company wives, who Katie realized were supposed to be her friends, went to the design stores with her, sifting through books of ridiculously named paint colors and wallpaper patterns.
“How about this one?” asked one of the wives, holding out a red paint card called ‘tomato soup.’ “For the dining room.” Katie looked at the card skeptically. Was this it? Was her dining room ‘tomato soup?’ Was her bathroom ‘cherry blossom?’ Katie sat with the paint cards, each shade of green blurring into the next, and tried to decide whether Jackson was more of a ‘mint julep’ or a ‘green tea.’
Katie had the bedroom walls painted in ‘placid lake.’ The lake felt frozen over. Jackson seemed pleased though. That night, as the smell of fresh paint escaped out of their open windows, he made love to her in their big bed under the surface of their ‘placid lake.’ As she came beneath him, Katie looked up at the ceiling and held her breath.
Fourteen days later, Katie missed her period for the second time in her life. After trying so hard, it couldn’t be that a little paint on her bedroom walls had made a baby happen inside her. Every day Katie expected to find blood in her panties, and every day she didn’t find any, she felt more and more confident that she never would.
When she announced to Jackson that she was finally pregnant, he dropped to his knees in their ‘egg yolk’ entry-way and pressed his lips to her belly, holding her tight. Once he finally stood up, he kissed her lips and held her the way that he used to do on the streets of the city. It made Katie feel warm again, as if maybe she did still love him, and she smiled.
That night Jackson and Katie shared Chinese food out of take-out boxes and talked about baby names and baby colors. They agreed on Jackson if it were a boy, and Melody if it were a girl. Katie had been thinking about the name Melody since she was little. When Jackson tried to convince Katie to paint penguins in the baby’s room, Katie laughed. He had always been able to make her laugh.
The formal living room was the last room to be decorated. The company wives convinced Katie that she should go with a single motif and match everything to it. ‘Majestic Grace’ was the name of the pattern that Katie liked best. Royal purple fleur-de-lis, surrounded by golden leaves and magenta flowers. A wallpaper border ran around the room just below the ceiling. Fancy draw curtains hung before the windows. A couch and loveseat were covered in the matching fabric. She even had extra throw pillows specially upholstered. Every item in her living room matched ‘majestic grace.’
After the workmen had finished with the room, and all of the furniture was in place, Katie invited the company wives over for tea. She hosted them in the formal living room, using Jackson’s grandmother’s elegant tea service for the first time. Seated on the couch, surrounded by the company wives and their compliments, Katie felt as if someone had suddenly turned the lights on inside of her chest. She laughed and gossiped, and sipped her tea.
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